Jennifer Hawkins – Australian supermodel AND formidable business woman – has teamed up with Mount Franklin to create a line of limited edition lightly sparkling water named after her swimwear label, Cozi.

Did you get all that? Good! Moving on.

Welcome to the Gaytriarch New Year’s Eve special! This is the final post of 2012. I’m not spitting ANYTHING else out this year so read it, love it, take a BIG HIT and enjoy.

While most guys would have major problems jamming their junk into Cozi trunks, we can still drink the water! Which is great coz when I saw the FANTASTIC PRINTS in the Cozi line, I wanted one! That’s how it works right? Right!

As it happens my old workout bottle developed a crack in it during my 100 km fitness challenge so I needed a quick replacement bottle. You’re not really supposed to reuse disposable water bottles. I know that! But it’s only temporary and the prints are so pretty. Oh, relax! Like a bit of PLASTIC is gonna HURT ME! Pleeze. I live my life in this shit.

Oh, no! No, no, no. I didn’t mean Jennifer Hawkins! I just meant that plastic is very important to me. To our society. We’re a plastic society! Wait, I didn’t mean that I think Jennifer Hawkins is plastic! Oh, fuck. I think Jennifer Hawkins is going to block me on Twitter now.

Look, uh, it’s a gay humor blog! Ha ha?

At the very least it’s good publicity right, free PR? You’re getting in with the gays! Nope, I’m pretty sure she’s going to block me. I no longer exist in Jennifer Hawkins world. Alas, ladies and lords I’ve NEVER existed in Jennifer Hawkins world. I am not COMPLETELY out of touch with reality. Just partially!

Anyway as part of my generous nature, I wanted to share my Cozi with all my Twitter followers by posting it on Twitpic.

HERE is where I ran into some real problems. Twitter wasn’t working. Twitpic wasn’t working. OPTUS wasn’t working!

*ARRGHH!*

@Scott__Rose‬ Have a photo to share. ‪@Optus‬ is being difficult. :/

‪

@Optus‬ ‪@Scott__Rose‬ Good morning Scott – what service are you having difficulty with today? Have you tried power cycling the device?

Huh? Power cycling the device?

???

What is that, like using fitness equipment or something? You mean like working out? Or going to a circuit party? Nude tanning beds? SEX? Poppers? What the fuck is POWER CYCLING the DEVICE? The only thing that comes to MY mind are… power bottom activities.

IDK WTF! How am I supposed to know what it is? POWER CYCLE MY DEVICE!

God, I’m heating up here trying to think what it means. I need a drink! Designer water, designer water! Quick, I’m power cycling my device. I have no idea what it means but baby, we’re doing it.

@Scott__Rose @Optus Was trying to upload photo from mobile to Twitter. Used email. That worked. No idea what power cycling the device is, sounds fun.

@Optus‬ ‪@Scott__Rose‬ Hey Scott, a power cycle is where you turn your handset off and back on it helps refresh the network connection.

Oh. Turn it off then back on. That’s what power cycling the device means. LOL Well, for fuck’s sake! I know what turning it off and on means. WHY couldn’t they just say, fucking turn it off and on you dumb pink bunny! Why make it sound like a workout for nymphomaniacs? I know how to turn my mobile phone off and back on again. At least, I think so.

Anyway, we got there in the end. Lovely, lightly sparkling water. Lovely Jennifer Hawkins. Lovely tweet. Ahhh!

Did you get all that? Good! Moving on.

Cozi by @jenhawkins_. Lightly sparkling water from Mount Franklin. Yes, even our water is designer. twitter.com/Scott__Rose/st…

— Prince of Pinkness® (@Scott__Rose) December 28, 2012